Hi Babe, Excellent run. Excellent talk. Major blabber coming on.
It's good talking to a woman about men. I know I'm not like most men. In that I am a man, most 'men' are not.
Don't know quite where to start so I'll just dive in. This will be long, and you may not even read it. But I am a man after all. And men take risks.
Thing is - I will give you all the time in the world. But Cat won't. Cat sees me as competition. And Cat will fight. He will fight to win. Not for what's best for you, he will just want to win.
And he will offer lots of sex. That's his best weapon, because he can get to you and I can't. He will use t to keep you there. Even if it means keeping you depressed. Even if it means losing your dreams, the dreams you've just rediscovered. Even if it means keeping you in a nightmare.
And he says he loves you. He does not. Not even in his own way. I may not know what love is, but I know it's not that. I've been there, trust me.
3 godz. temu
I want you to make your decisions for you.
All decisions have there consequences baby, I want you to try to think as straight as possible. But I know what depression is like. How it muddles your brain, and you can't think clearly. So I will say a few things here that I hope will help.
Cat. Has had you for years. Still can't look after you.
Chris. Nearly committed suicide six months ago. Was homeless one month ago. I can already look after you better than cat.
Cat. keeps you depressed. Denies your hope, your future. Would rather keep you in your nightmare than lose you.
Chris. Will struggle to make you happy. To build your beautiful future. I would rather loose you than see you depressed. Fuck, I'd even help you find someone else rather than see you get depressed!!
Cat, Has always and still has sex with other women.
Chris. After 18 months celibacy and almost fatal loneliness turns down sex with other people. Just not interested. Not while there is the tiniest hint of you in my life.
Cat. Cries when you say you want to split.
Chris. I will never cry for myself in front of you. I will cry for you. I have. I will cry with you. I might loose it a bit when I talk about my life. But I will never use my pain as chains to hold you. To me, a man would never do that.
Cat. Took off the condom. He has made you have an abortion once before.
Chris. I will not take the stupid thing off until you have made your decision about me. I will never, ever, ever, put you in a position like that. Ever.
Cat. Says he loves you.
Chris. Thinks he might, and is willing to take the chance.
Who do you believe?
3 godz. temu
I want you to take you time baby, I really do. I'm not disappearing just yet. But I fear Cat will do everything he can to get you to forget about me. And your future, which matters more.
Time for a cigarette.
3 godz. temu
Forgot to tell you Leslie's advice. I didn't say much by the way, just you were with someone whose making you depressed and you're finding hard to get away. But it was weird. She's part of team Chris. She's really gone out of her way to save me from one relationship. I thought she'd tell me to get off with one of the rock chicks and forget about you.
But she didn't.
She said I should bring you here. For a few days anyway. She thinks I'm right to take a chance. She thinks if you were away from cat you would think better. I wouldn't abuse you emotionally, because she knows I'm not like that. Then you could make better decisions. She's right.
So come here. Tonight if you like. Stay for a few days. See a different life. Feel it. Then if you want to stay, stay. Fuck benefits, fuck housing lists, they'll still be there if you need them. Then, if you start feeling better, in a very little time I'll sort out my work and we can start looking for flats. Victoria Park, or a little house with the sea in front and mountains behind....